Okay, a kindof sad blog.

I didn't want to write this, but I don't want to talk about it even more... however, I know the people who read this love us very much, so I think I'll dish once in an effort to not have to tell this story over and over.

Yesterday we got asked to leave Children's Workshop- nicely, but yes, asked to leave. I am still reeling and really surprised. We thought that Augie was making great progress there, but they feel the class size (over 30) is too big for him and that they just can't give him the attention he needs. Primarily they are having a really hard time with potty training (a required part of their movement from age group to age group) and sometimes with behavior.

I have taken this totally personally. I am devastated. It takes me a long time to trust people with my babies, and I had grown so comfortable. Jeff and I have also seen Augie and Becket grow so much there... it has been really hard.

Essentially the director had a meeting with me and told me that the teachers were having a really hard time and did not have the individual time or attention that Augie needed. He really has moved almost completely off of the Autistic spectrum, but still needs some interventions, ie: you have to talk to him several times to get him to pay attention

ex:
"Augie look at mommy, do we throw toys"
"No?"
"Tell me 'We don't throw toys""
"No throwing toys"
"What don't we do"
"Throw toys"
"No..."
"Augie no throw toys"
"Good Augie"

Seem long and drawn out? Actually it is not too bad. If you know other parents with Autistic kids you know we have it easy. Augie has actually been amazing at home. Very few fits, very very responsive to correction. There was a time in his life when I walked on egg shells but no more. He is very much a normal kid.

Apparently they just aren't able to take the time to give that to Augie when there are so many others.

Jeff and I, being the have-things-settled people that we are started looking right away (as in 10 mins after my meeting) and found a much smaller place for the boys. 8-10 kids to a room, much more flexible on the potty thing (it is just going to take some time for Aug., we have come to realize) and very gentle- oh, and it is 2 blocks from our house (not 10 miles), and 300$ less a month! They also have a Colorado Preschool program that has speech therapy and some govt. $ for kids on IEP (individual Education Plans) like Augie is

Okay, so what is the down side?

Well, they aren't as academically focused. We have told ourselves this doesn't matter, but it sort of does. And I am just fearful. I often have this stupid spirit of fear. What if they don't love my kids enough, what if they get bored, what if they reject Augie? I guess I hate change.

Also, personally, I feel rejected. Like I haven't done enough, Like I don't know how to give my little guy the best tools to cope.

Also, Becket's teachers are AMAZING- I love them as teachers and personally. It is a weird thing when you sacrifice one child for the other. Is Becket always going to be in this position? Am I being over dramatic?

So, I've cried for 2 straight days. I'll cry tonight as we pick them up. (they made little cards with hand prints from all the class mates- who wouldn't cry)

But

Since this is not really our choice I will trust that it is best.

And, I know it is going to be fine- maybe better- in the long run.

I do want to say this: Here are the lessons learned-

a. For teachers. Don't shelter parents from truth. When it finally comes out it is shocking to the system. Augie is doing so well at home, we needed to know more honestly that there were so many troubles at school, mostly that potty training was such a non-negotiable

b. Kids are kids. I love who my kids are. I wouldn't take anything ANYTHING back or change anything. That is not survivor talk... I mean it.

c. We are going to get to go to a daycare that is way more representative of the people of Greeley... and (although this is a typical daycare) there are already 23 kids there that receive different kinds of therapies. I feel like God is forcing our hand and I should feel blessed to have to move our family.

Thanks for listening. I just want everyone to know what is going on in our lives and in my heart. I love you

Kel