A year old Augie, looking at one of our only snows of the season



I picked this photo so I could be contemplative too…

Wow, a year as a mom. I could write volumes. I am committing to only a few paragraphs.

What I have learned:

This is so much harder than I ever imagined. Everyone who has done it tries to let you know what a challenge it will be, but with half a heart. If you have been here, you remember how many people tried to tell you how things would be… and how you didn’t believe it either. What is so hard, honestly- giving up freedom. Especially at 27 and 29 and four years of marriage. Jeff and I had done what ever we wanted when ever we wanted. This may be the only advantage younger parents have… they don't know what the time and financial freedom can feel like.

My mom and dad are really smart, really good parents. Even now, I know that I don't know how good they are, but I am much closer to knowing. I also know that Augie will never know how hard I tried, either. Jeff's parents are also wonderful. I am so thankful for our whole family, and their different insights.

Sleep is relative… it's not a cliché, it's a way of life.

Augie looks like "Angie" if you write it too quickly

Hours of anger, frustration, beat-down and despair can be cured by 10 min. of "I need you mommy" cuddling and baby babble… I say that and my heart is not the softest I know, it is just true.

Nursing is really hard, but really worth it.

Jeff is an amazing husband. Amazingly patient, amazingly able to tell me how beautiful I am even when it takes months to lose the baby weight and he knows I am not really trying. Amazing to carry me through the breakdowns with grace. To know when to take me out to dinner and when to let me have an hour long shower.

It's lonesome to be the only mom among your closest girl friends, but it is special too. And you make new close friends that understand the things you now know.

Don't count on strollers, car seats, swings, etc. They like what they like, they don't what they don't.

Our family and friends really love our son- because he is ours and they loved us first.

Augie is brilliant, and if I let myself, I enjoy his moments of discovery a thousand times more than he does.

Babies are hard because they love you, and they are darling, and they are funny, but they never tell you thank you, and they never will. The don't appreciate that you just took them to the park for 2 hours, even though you wanted to watch Celebrity Fit Club reruns. They don't not cry because you worked so hard to make them happy. Babies need you, and they are the nearest I will feel on this earth to God, because we don't thank Him, or appreciate our gifts to an even greater degree.

You think you want to put down a sleeping baby, but you don't. That is when they are at their best. I love just to smell Augie's hair.

Baths and Baby Einstein fix 95% of all problems.

Did I mention how smart my parents are?

And lastly…

I never knew, never imagined, and won't be able to describe how much I love Augie. I thought I loved Jeff with every thing I had and everything I could give. I thought my little brother was the joy in my day and that my friends were sufficient community. I can cry just lighting on a thought that something might happen to Augie. I can watch him sleep or play for hours. I can't wait for #2--- even the birth part! I have never felt so much Awesome Joy or love or gratitude. I have never been so sure that God is a good God.

I have never really known love until I had my son.